The Only Wellness Mantra You Need

I wake up and it’s still dark. Feeling a chill at my back, I realize I forgot to stuff my oversized puffy coat next to the door. This is why I’m awake.

Instead of grabbing the coat, I reach up and pull the top layers of my covers up over my head. Bamboo comforter. Zero degree bag. Vintage wool Mexican blanket.

Wondering what time it is, I feel around to find my phone. It’s 4:21 a.m. Thirty-nine minutes until my alarm goes off. Go back to sleep? Or get up?

Indecisive. I lay there. Knowing full well I won’t fall back to sleep. I’m not one for hitting the snooze button. If I wake up within an hour of my alarm, I’m awake.

Despite knowing this about myself, I continue to hide under the covers facing the car door.

Then, in the hopes warmth might inspire me to get up, I flip over to my right side. Plug the electric blanket into my solar generator. Turn it up to level seven. And lay there waiting for warmth to come.

In all honesty, it’s not even that cold inside my car today. I’m just being indulgent. It was only expected to get down to 18 F overnight. So it’s probably nearly 30 F inside, due to my body heat and the reflectix on the windows.

I lay there thinking about how two weeks ago it was -17 F. So what am I waiting for? Why am I avoiding getting up? Don’t know. I just don’t feel like it.

An hour passes by. My mind whirling.

What’s the point of getting up? It’s cold. I need to pee. Dealing with that is such a pain. It’s easier to just lay here avoiding it. Oh my god. You’re so pathetic. You’re strong. Tough. Resilient. Get up. Just last night you wrote on Medium about the power of preparing your mind for difficulties. What happened?

Life is fu#@ing rollercoaster. The constant dance of being inspired and uninspired. On repeat. Will I ever just stay happy? Motivated? Or will I always return to sadness? Why bother even getting up at all. Maybe I’ll lay here till the last minute when I have to do some work…

I feel the familiar claws of sadness and anxiety gripping me.

The line of a song comes to mind.

Like there’s no way in hell I can get over this mountain.